Glimpses

As a mother, I am always seeking opportunities to get to know my children.  Not just their interests or how to handle their developing personalities (although important as well), but I treasure the times when I am given a glimpse into who they really are.  Because I believe that our spirits lived long before we received a body and were born on earth, I understand that there is much more to my kids than what I see displayed in their age related personalities and behaviors.

Although it is my responsibility to guide and teach them - I respect them, I look up to them, I learn from them.

I think it was my first born who helped me seek this perspective.  Even though I was a first time mom, it did not take long for me to see that he wasn't a typical kid.  Most of the time when people say that, they mean it in a positive way - but at first (and sometimes still) it was hard for me.  He wasn't even a typical child as described in the scriptures-   quick to love, trusting, easily entreated, etc.  Logan does love, but it isn't given away as freely as most young kids.  In fact, there was a time in his little life where he could not say "I love you" to anyone because he believed unless he felt it perfectly in his heart that he would be lying to say it.    He doesn't walk with a chip on his shoulder, but he naturally doesn't trust just anyone.  He can quickly discern who has sincere motives. 

 He is a truth seeker.  The tooth-fairy, Easter Bunny, leprechauns were never a part of his world (Santa barely got away with it for just a couple of years) because it was more important for him to know the truth.

One time when I was feeling exasperated about how to parent him, my mom gave me advice that gave me the eternal perspective I now have in raising my children.  She reminded me that he lived in heaven before he was born and that I needed to pray and ask God, our Father and Creator, to help me understand who he really is. Particularly, who he was before he came to me.  Although we've forgotten, the Lord hasn't. Those were all truths I knew before, but not in the persepective I needed.  What he is behaving like when he is 2,5, or 10 is not who he really is.  My children are much more than what I see with my earthly parenting eyes.  Does that make sense?

Ever since that wise counsel (did I mention from the most loving woman in the world?), I have sought to receive glimpses of who their souls really are.  It's not an everyday occurence- if it were so, it wouldn't be so special.  But when I get a glimpse, it never ceases to bring me joy, humility and tears to my eyes.

 The night of 9/11 was such a night for us.  We tucked the kids in bed, and I felt that I needed to spend some alone time with Logan.  Thanks to an idea from a dear friend, Sandy,  I have found with Logan- and actually all my kids- that night time chats on his bed are best.  As I tickle his back he melts like butter and talks to me about everything.  I get a lot more information about what really is happening at school, how he feels about life, etc.  It's not always serious, but many times that is when we have our deepest conversations.  His body is tired and relaxed, his defenses are down, and the feeling of warmth from my hands and the safety of being at home in his bed opens the doors of  complete trust. 

On this particular night we spoke of his mission in life and how to ask the Lord to know what it is and accomplish it.  We talked about the need for valiant spirits to fight for righteousness and what it takes to be that valiant person the Lord can count on.  He wanted me to recount some of my own personal experiences where God answered my prayers, and when I felt the Holy Ghost.   We spoke of other special moments and experiences.  As our conversation continued, I was given a glimpse into the beautiful soul of my son.

I am thankful for that night.  I needed it.  I had been too caught up on dwelling on the characteristics and traits that discourage me and distract me from seeing the eternal perspective. 

In this world we live in, I can guarantee that if I believed parenting was completely up to me that I would feel despair, fear and failure.  Sometimes, I admit those feelings still sneak into me.   But I know with all confidence and a surety we are partners with Heavenly Father.  And when he gives me glimpses into the souls he has entrusted to my care, I am reminded that I am not alone.  What a precious gift.